Don Hate Me like. I can’t hide in the Rainbow

I can think I can feel. Just need someone who can feel.
hear me
love me
just need a new beginning
love that starts not already ending
girl that feels the way I feel
Can believe my so old soul
I am so strong
I need someone to let me be weak
let me dream of worlds like Gallifrey
a dream that never goes away
 a dream of a world
that doesn’t hate me
let me feel the things I need before it all goes away
I need you!
To tell me I’m a light in the darkness
I need you!
stand with me
In a world that hates us
Two lovers standing strong
a world that’s oh so wrong
Two Woman and Two hearts….
So hard to find
A peace
Can’t walk
Down the street with you
Can’t kiss you
Everytime I want to
we’re hated and alone…..
pleasease share my world
share my pride
help me stay alive
Til the world changes it’s mind
2 loves
2 hearts
Please let me be free
I just want to believe
let me feel
and not have everyone hate me
it’s not a disease
it’s not a belief
it’s only me
and the love that I see
don’t hate me
and push me
to the final act
Just so you don’t have to deal with me
All I want is for someone to love me
your ignorance breeds hate and vioence
I’m just alone with your silence
My love is so gone away
you wouldn’t let her stay
because I am gay
Now I am alone
cause some days I can’t bear the hate
I wake up
and know there’s a world of people
who hate me.
For something I can never change
I don wanna be a casualty like.
Just wanna find my lady in white
Kiss her as we walk down the aisle
And done see nothin but acceptin smiles
Let me be free.
Let me Live
Let me not be alone
let us not be alone
because of hate.
Let us live.

Lesbians on Doctor Who

This made my day. Not only can hundreds of mixed race kids across the world see themselves, so can I. I love science fiction and grew up on doctor who. I have had to just develop my own headcanon for years just to feel like I can be in one of these shows. Did you know Vicki Pallister is attracted to girls? I do. Did you know Charly Pollard is attracted to girls? I do. The truth is that only in my head are they. Soem may say desperate attempts to relate to a character when….I don’t have anyone.

And that’s the truth. I don’t have anyone. I can’t just turn on the tv and see someone like me. I can’t think of a single tv show where someone like me is an established main character except UK Bad Girls. Which I’ve watched repeatedly.

I love doctor who, And was excited to see Captain Jack and Vastra and Jenny. But as much as recurring characters are nice it’s not the same.

I was ecstatic when batwoman came out in 2011. As a gay jewish girl from LB I could imagine myself as a gay jewish girl from Gotham. Comics exploded with positive strong role models over the next several years. So I read comics to see “me”

I love doctor who. I am a handicapped lesbian and some days all I can do is lay in bed and listen to doctor who. Now suddenly the whole world is larger. Between all these characters I can finally look and see ME.

I’ve never been able to look at a modern companion and see myself. Donna helped cause her orientation didn’t come into play when she traveled. but that’s just me not thinking about it.

Now for the first time I can actually look at the tv screen and see someone I can really relate to. I can be in the same situations as her, react the same to people. I can see who I am represented in the person who travels in the tardis. I’ve been in bed for 3 days incredibly sick. This is the most I’ve smiled in a week.
There’s a woman travelling with the doctor. A woman who only likes other women.
I finally can look at the Tv and see someone like me.

I originally posted most of this on Gallifrey Base, but we ARE a doctor who podcast. Despite our long Hiatus I wanted to post this.

My earliest memories of Doctor Who… I do have a very clear memory of seeing 5 Doctors. Perhaps even when originally aired since even though I am in some ways between Belfast and Long Beach California I grew up in the states. Even then we got things a year late or so.l I remember seeing the five doctors and more importantly I remember seeing the 5th doctor. Peter Davison is very much my childhood Dr I’m a little fuzzy on a lot of his episodes other than he has had an indelible mark on my childhood. To this day regardless whether I’m listening or watching when PD shows up I smile and instantly feel a soft calm spread over me.

I know I saw many of his episodes growing up. and him and Hartnell are some of my strongest childhood memories. During one of the hiatuses, PBS started at the beginning. So i saw the cavemen, “The Daleks”, and even the Mary Celeste episode of The Chase was very clear in my mind. I remember seeing pat Troughton in 3, 5, and 2 doctors specials. I also have very clear memories of him and John Pertwee although their individual episodes are just some jumbled pictures. I also am fairly certain I saw a majority of every Doctors’ serials in the 80s. Unfortunately Tom Baker who other than City of Death and some very clear memories of K-9 I saw very little of outside of some Pledge drive Marathons.

I also remember one other thing. Caves of Androzani really got me emotionally. When he died… Colin Baker scared the crap out of me. I was maybe 6 or 7 and i freaked out. I remember screaming to mom “who the hell is that what happened” “well he regenerated.” “well can they go back or something he’s scary!”

I Was just a little girl, and due to that Colin Baker has ended up being one of the most influential doctors in my life. Not only when it comes to Doctor Who either. I was a little girl, I knew that being freaked out was more me being a little girl than anything amiss with Colin Baker. I now àlways give someone or something a second chance after a first impression. In fact some of my favorite Big Finish stories are of the sixth doctor. If I hadn’t been freaked out by Colin Baker I may have had the negative opinion many once held. Assured, I would have taken longer to give any situation a second chance like. He is the reason I gave 7 and 11 chances to wow me after initial first impressions; and now I quite enjoy their stories when they show up in my watching/listening schedule. Although I am in the middle of Wheel In Space I can’t wait to see 6 and 7 in my rewatch as an adult with a truly open mind.

As a side note, I remember randomly hearing about Dr Who in 2005… I called my parents freaking out asking them if it really came back; and quickly dove into the new series at that point as well as picking up stacks of old vhs tapes of all the doctors.

Also, Big Finish is huge in my life. I use a wheelchair and many times I have to lay down. There are times where that is the extent of what I can do. Except I can listen. I love audiobooks and I love radioplays although it’s almost all Doctor Who.

My first ever Big Finish audioplay was the first Doctor Who tale, Sirens of Time. It was difficult  to et into for me, so I listened to Storm Warning next. That’s where it started. It stars Paul Mcgann as the Eighth Doctor. It also introduces Charlie Pollard who will be with him for a very long time. The Eighth Doctor is a huge part of Big Finish, and his entire character is built in these radio plays. I listened to many many more 8th doctor tales and also made my way up the monthly line. It’s wonderful as I can listen to Big Finish and audiobooks pretty much anywhere. It’s also helped my health as I can still enjoy myself when I am forces to lay down for health. Considering some times my eyes hurt, tv/movies/games are not an option.  So often I have an eye mask on and listen to a book or a radioplay while I lay down.


Thanks for reading. I always love the chance to tell these stories.

— The Fantastic Alice Foxl

Exclusive: David Gerrold Talks about Homophobia and Star Trek

I recently recorded a podcast where I got very emotional about Star Trek and the latent Homophobia that between TNG and Enterprise ultimately makes me feel unwelcome. I will be doing a shorter podcast to explain my feelings more concisely as I feel that is necessary. I still think Star Trek TOS is amazing and despite Rick Berman’s aggressive Homophobia TNG and Voyager are exceptional shows. Like I said this is my podcast site and not a blog.

Being a Lesbian Podcaster

As a lot of you may know I have been hard at work on this podcast. Today I’m sharing a piece of my soul as written word.

I tried to do a Star Trek episode and broke into tears because of how anti gay Star Trek comes off as. Even in the 60s we had characters on Doctor Who we could love, look up to, and emulate. I can have a crush on almost any companion without having their straight Ness rammed in my face. Even my favorite companions Rory and Amy were close friends with a lesbian couple.  And if they were single both Rory and Amy I am confident would have no problem going on a first date with someone of the same sex, even if they later realized they were straight. Doctor Who has always been free of labels. Whether it was a positive by product of a more conservative era, or the more open and unashamed flirting of Jack.

I love Vicki. She leaves the TARDIS as she has fallen for another in the time of Troy and Odysseus. Many companions left the TARDIS that way, but even with a groanworthy recurring concept the characters are still refreshingly individual. Our first real companion was Barbara. Strong, fierce willed and defines herself by herself. It’s true that between the 60’s and 80’s labels were not common however shows like Star Trek found ways to clarify how ridiculously straight their characters were. Doctor Who never felt a need to over clarify the “straightness” of their characters. It’s what gives people like me a chance to find our heroes and have crushes on characters we love. I have a delightful crush on Vicki and Peri, I personally think Peri is straight and Vicki believes she could fall in love with whoever for my own reasons. ThatThe said I can see both characters being happy to accompany myself or another woman on at least a friendly date with no issues. In truth I think this could be said about any female companion and most male companions.

It’s one of the things I love about Matt Smith is because even though initially he is not one of my favorites he is wonderful. He is very childlike in his understanding of orientation and obviously accepts people of all genders and sexuality. He kisses Rory! I also liked that although we did not see a lot of Rory with the doctor he gave the doctor this tender kiss on the cheek to thank him for his wedding gift to him and Amy. It was just a really tender and beautiful moment that showed that Rory had grown to care about the doctor too. So many of the wonderful moments I love, and the characters I really enjoy seeing on screen would not be as amazing if the show had been different. I know Doctor Who has its’ issues as does any program that’s been on for a long time but as a lesbian whovian it gets a whole lot right! Maybe there’s not a huge amount of lgbt characters on the show….but the attitudes are there. Is there a single character you can say is 100 % straight? I’m not saying they aren’t I’m saying that if I can’t see myself as the companion I could see myself as the partner of a companion whether I am male, female, or somewhere in between and there is something beautiful about that. I don’t think a lot about why Doctor Who is my all time favorite show but feeling like I as a lesbian could be a companion and/or be a character in the shoe is likely a huge part of that. I don’t see myself in tears because of Doctor Who anytime soon.

The Fantastic Alice Fox

P.S. Evil Alice Fox says she completely agrees and approves this message

The Infamous, The Amazing, The OverHyped and possibly UnderWhelming: TrainWreck!

HELLO! The darkness wraps us all into a velvet blanket of woe. We find ourselves coming towards the precipice of our dark unrepentant journey into madness as we look to the future of Doctor Who. Fantastic Alice said I could write the intro to this. This is TrainWreck. Secrets will be revealed and the dark secrets of my past and my psyche’s inner turmoil are finally brought to light. Or maybe I just talk about gnomes a lot. We attempted to talk about our love for Capaldi and the results went….well The dark visage of fates cruel folly looms over us as we fall into an utter TrainWreck of Podcast insanity. Enjoy our TrainWreck and watch this space for more insights into the darkness that lurks deep within all our souls. Or hear two twisted sisters discuss Doctor Who. At least one of those things will happen in our next podcast.


Introduction to the TrainWreck

After an attempt to discuss our feelings on Peter Capaldi went completely off the rails we found ourselves in a conundrum. We were not comfortable with deleting the podcast and on the same token did not feel it was typical and representative of what our podcast should be. Therefore we felt it necessary to do a brief intro to what we lovingly refer to as TrainWreck that also got out of hand. If I don’t miss my guess the introduction may be even longer and more of a trainwreck than TrainWreck itself. Regardless it includes more hilarity with myself and Evil Alice Fox doing what we do best.

Intro to TrainWreck

Much Ado About Donna and Doctor Who

Hello everyone! Here is the first episode that started on a path of insanity that is only rivaled by drunk podcasts! In today’s podcast I am joined by my sister Evil Alice Fox as web CHANGE THE FACE OF PODCASTING FOREVER! Or perhaps we just share notes and insights about the truly amazing Much Ado About Nothing starring David Tennant and Catherine Tate. In any case we had much to say about the 80s styled Shakespeare in Modern Dress production and hope you’ll enjoy our second podcast. No gnomes were harmed in the making of this podcast

Much Ado About…..Who